When Pain = Fat & Loving Ourselves Through It All


Have you experienced weight fluctuations that threaten to interfere with your money magnetism, by tempting you to hide? To not show up and do what you were born to do?

If so, I’m sharing my story about extreme weight fluctuations today, and how I stayed on my rags to riches money track no matter what my body was doing, and how you can too.

What’s Body Weight Got To Do With Money Flow, Anyhow?

When you’ve experienced significant body weight changes, your confidence can be affected, too – especially if you’ve been influenced by mainstream media, which, if it had its way with us, would have us believing that we’re not pretty, or even acceptable, unless we’re the size of a  toothpick.

When confidence is low, we don’t show up as powerful, passionate and excited for our lives as we were born to be, including the way we choose to generate money in the world. 

All of this affects our money manifestation, generation, and receiving capacity, because confidence, which is at its core, is a belief in ourselves to create the experience of life we desire, as well as the joy that springs from it, is naturally attractive – to romantic partners, to friends, to clients and collaborative business partners, too.  

In other words, confidence, is magnetic. To everything, including the portals that flow money into our lives.

The meaning we attach to our bodily changes is what dictates how much our confidence, and therefore money magnetism are affected.

It can hard to be bullet enough to maintain our natural born confidence about how pretty we are, and not let that “unacceptable” brutality the public carries about larger women seep into our energy and lives – especially when your body weight changes are extreme. 

That’s when people really start nosing around in your business, claiming to know what’s best for you, bullying you to do what they feel is best for you, and gossiping to all get out like, “who is this chick who can’t keep control of her weight over there?”

Me. 🙋‍♀️ That chick is me. Over here living athletic and slim my whole life, until age 30, when I gained 150 pounds, only to lose it all a few years later, then yo you up, down, up, down since.

Mamma Mia! 

I’m 46 years old now, but when I first gained that 150 pounds in 2007, after a lifetime of being slim and athletic?

I was so programmed to believe that “only slim is pretty and acceptable,” and my confidence plummeted to level worst.

I hid in my apartment, isolating, trying to lose weight with extreme diets, only to end up bingeing even more junk food when my body gave me “you’re starving” signals  that I could not ignore. 

This triggered my body to store all incoming calories, causing me to gain even more weight. 

I was also struggling with severe PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder) at the time, adding psychotropic pharmaceuticals into the mix for the first time in my life, hence my particular version of extreme weight gain. 

In hindsight, I see now that hitting that hard of a rock bottom, was my path to building solid confidence in my life. I had to feel so “not pretty,” so “not acceptable,” that I didn’t even feel worthy of leaving my apartment, to pop the ridiculousness of how society sees and treats larger women.

Then I had to decide if I was going to join them, by treating myself that way too, and give up my ultimate dreams and vision for my life, or not.

Of course, I chose, not.

Don’t worry, you don’t have to have this same rock bottom to generate rock solid self-esteem, the kind that doesn’t affect your money flow – this was just my path.

I’m writing this today, though, because I’m aware that:

  1. Many people have gone down this path, hitting such extremes, as I have, and we need to band together, to tribe up!
  2. Even when body weight changes are not as extreme as mine have been, it can feel like they are. When I look back at photos of myself when I was thin in my twenties and thirties for example, I remember feeling like I was fat. I was maybe 5, maybe 8 pounds overweight, maximum, at any given time, according to ideal weight charts in Canada, but it may as well have been 200 pounds overweight, because that is how it felt. 

Pain = Fat; Neglect = Compound That!

Six years after my 150 lb weight loss, a car accident left me with a fractured ankle.

I was a runner up until that point, up and down mountains, averaging 15km three times per week.

I was 100% raw vegan at the time, rocking my natural lifestyle more than ever.

When I say natural, I mean I moved to Sedona for six months to meditate with those red rocks, and play with like-minded spiritual friends, most of whom rejected everything modern and conventional, particularly the Western medical system. 

After a few months of living in Sedona, I was  convinced that I didn’t ever have to involve myself in Western medical care, again. 

That I could use natural remedies, energy healing and medicine women when something went awry with my body.

It sounds good, right? No harmful mistakes at the hands of Big Pharma, no ginormous medical bills, no feeling like you’re being processed by a steel machine instead of loving, warm, spiritual human beings? 

It also works, for the most part. Aside from dire emergencies and broken bones, I still live that way.

So I truly thought my ankle would resolve itself back then.

In The Meantime

Meantime? I couldn’t move my body much at all, because of the enormous amount of pain I was in.

I was in too much pain to even think about changing my giant portion sizes that I would burn off so easily, when I was athletic.

Instead, I increased my portion sizes, out of sheer boredom at times, from just laying in bed, day after day after day.

I also discovered, in time, that extra food —especially the wrong kind of foods for my body, like super high sugary sweets and other processed food, not only gave me spikes of dopamine joy that made me feel like I could be happy again, as depression from this change in life style set it, but that it also had a nice side effect of numbing my pain.

I normally wouldn’t go near soda pop, for example, or chocolate made with white sugar and other preservatives, but after trying a sip and a bite here and there, as I tried to make myself happier, I started to get hooked.

The high I got was euphoric. My moods would hit the roof, I’d feel so energized, and happy —until, of course, what is known as a sugar crash hit, worsening my now vulnerable mood state and mental health. Creating even more lethargy, emotional eating, as I tried to stay afloat to feel good, as I tried to get my energy back, with the right intention, but definitely wrong medicine.

All of this? Led to more, more, more weight gain.

But I kept doing it, because if I ate just the right amount of the wrong food, I would be pain-free, at least until I passed out in my sugar-induced coma, more than ready, in the height of my high-sugar food addiction,  to wake up and do it all over again.

You can imagine how depressed this made me, as time went on. I wasn’t getting fresh air. No high vibrational, raw, vegan foods. No movement for my body. My whole existence became bed, depression, and junk food.

Throw some PTSD meds into a girl whose entire family rejected pharmaceuticals as a rule, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for massive weight gain, which is exactly what happened. 

Plus, as my tolerance for the white sugar grew and grew, I had to eat even more of the wrong food, to have the same numbing effect on my pain, so my body weight kept climbing.

Working At Home, Near A Stocked-Up Kitchen 😂🤦‍♀️ 

Fast forward to 2016, long after I gained, then lost all the weight, to a time when my pounds start creeping on again, living with my new ankle injury, and a new man. 

We moved in together after falling in love, sharing so many common interests—he just so happened to love love loved his soda pop, chocolate, and fast food.

You couldn’t tell by looking at him, not that that was ever a sole deciding factor for me in romance—I love who I love and that is that—but what I never suspected, because I didn’t have the understanding that I do now, is that I could get hooked back into my old sugar addiction cycle again.

So as the pounds inevitably creeped back in, I started to worry if my success would be affected, too.

I really was terrified!

I had gotten so much attention for my weight loss, I thought people would think me a fraud, a liar, or worse. 

I feared my business would turn into a frustrating mess like my body was.

For the most part, though, no matter what my body did, my business just kept continuing to thrive. 

Year after year after year, from 2009, through the pandemic, through 2021.

The only thing that didn’t keep thriving was my physical body. I avoided western medical care, and was inconsistent with my natural solutions.

This time though, as I headed into my forties, my body could no longer tolerate me eating foods that made me feel off, and I developed acid reflux so bad, I had to buy a wedge pillow to sleep on. 

I could not lay down for years, without being woken up in the middle of the night with stomach acid spewing into my mouth, in large amounts.

Not laying down flat creates major problems for our endocrine systems, particularly our adrenal glands, so this created more stress in my life, sent my cortisol system out of whack, leading to even more weight gain.

Plus, sleeping on this pillow for as long as I did, without property resolving the reflux or my ankle, created lower back and hip strain, which meant even more pain. 

Ignoring this mechanical problem in my body then led to more permanent challenges with my fascia, and bone structure, exacerbated by the natural bone strength loss that occurs for all women my age, heading into menopause.

This added even more weight gain, which exacerbated everything, dabs of depression from being immobile, and back into my cycle I went.

Despite this painful physical body journey lasting from 2015 to now,  depression never stuck, thank goodness, but I’m still resolving all of my physical issues to date.

Moral of the story?

Pain, when untreated, turns to fat. Faster than you can say “rags to riches!” 

Be Relentless

Because my business is predominantly online, it kept thriving, even on days when I could not move from my bed – which were plenty.

On those days, I would livestream, write, network, teach my students and coach my clients, straight from my bed. 

I love working at home and wouldn’t change it for the world, but it perpetuated my tendency to turn to food to deal with my body pain, like a mo-fo.

My awareness of this increased during our recent 2020 global pandemic, when we were all required to burrow in even deeper into our homes.

I saw how food was my crutch, more than ever, because there were no distractions to keep me from seeing this.

I couldn’t run out to do errands, distract myself with shopping, or do anything else habitual that kept me rooted in my old eating and living patterns, which, never went away, because I was still avoiding, avoiding, avoiding dealing with them.

The pandemic also brought me even more excuses (yes, they are excuses) to not physically walk into a doctor or other professional office to be properly assessed. I did get basic x-rays, and mention my challenges to my doctor several times, but I did not pursue any type of follow-up, with the persistence required of me to get favourable results in our Canadian medical system. 

So I just kept tolerating pain, discomfort, and risking long-term damage, numbing out with food, whenever the pain became unbearable.

Plus, my doctors kept telling me to deal with weight loss first, which spun me out into trying to lose weight, when none of the other key factors were being addressed, including pain, which set me up for failure in the weight loss department, then more medical neglect, as doctors kept focusing on that, instead of giving me the kind of care and treatment I would have received if I was thinner.

This had me avoiding doctors even more, trying more diets that didn’t work behind the scenes, however briefly, this time without the massive shame I experienced gaining my first 150 pounds, but ineffective nonetheless. 

What I’ve learned through this leg of the journey, is to be as relentless as I have been with my business, as I have been with my physical health – especially with the one thing that can never be negotiable for any of us, if we want to keep our magnetism through weight gain.

Always Evolving, Never Settling

Like my business, or my romantic relationships, though – even though this is an area of my life where I’m least evolved, and not yet seeing results that keep me excited and motivated, I never choose settling.  

Accepting and loving my body as it is right now, doesn’t mean I’m settling, or pretending I am okay, when I’m not.

Yes I am experiencing body pain on the daily, and navigating through those parts of my physical health care that I’ve been neglectful of in the past, but never ever ever, in the history of ever, do I compromise on my confidence.

Because my confidence doesn’t change when my physical body does. 

I am deeper into loving myself, my journey, this now moment, than ever before, which is always where our greatest power lays: in this present moment.

You can’t have true abundance, without anchoring fully, into this moment, right now – and this present moment only ever offers us one truth:

That we are gorgeous, magical resourceful beings, no matter what. 

The Gift of Weight Gain

This is where we can become self-acceptance ninjas! 

Loving what is, is how you expand your confidence, and your financial generational capacity. Right now.

It’s a basic energy principle that so many people know about, maybe even intuitively “get” – but putting it into practice means adopting the belief that everything that happens to us in this life, is actually happening for us.

It involves rolling our sleeves up, and doing the work of releasing all thoughts, ideas, beliefs and mood states in our beings that have us living as a match to anything other than our truest, most magnetic, most empowered confidence.

I’m talking soul-based confidence here, the kind that cannot be tampered with.

The kind that is unstoppable. Beyond what the world is used to, in it’s loving transformational power. It is un-fuck-with-able.

And it’s always available, to each and every one of us. At any given time, any where, right now, in this present moment.

Will you tap in?


PS. If you want to tap into this with me, my audio program called Wildly Wealthy and Worthy is a powerhouse transformational force that anchors you into your true power, right now, no matter what, regardless of what’s happening in your life right now. It taps you into exactly WHY you *yes you* were born to be rich, so that you stop doubting this about yourself, for good. CLICK HERE NOW

Published by GinaSilvestri

Success Champion for Women Entrepreneurs Since 2009

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