“You’re gonna love this,” I said to my bestie, while digging through my pile of magazines.
We were kicking it old-school on our landline phones, so I took a snap with my cellular, then texted it to her: a size 22 supermodel on the cover of People magazine. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.
She was quiet, slicing, because if she showed herself to be one of them, how could we still be friends?
That silence lasted forever, as my heart filled with disappointment. Why did I expect her to celebrate fat acceptance, when nobody else was? Maybe I just needed to lower my expectations…
“Wow,” she said, right when I was about to blurt out an excuse to hang up.
“Wow?” I said, with a nervous giggle. “That’s it?”
“Well, what can I say, she doesn’t know what she’s doing to herself.”
I kept my cool, then hung up as soon as I could, keeping the rising fire of my rejection from bubbling out into our call. She wasn’t offending me, directly, after all.
—but it felt an attack on me. With my hand still on the cradle, I stared and stared at this woman, Tess, looking gorgeous, in a size no woman before her had dared to show up and brave a magazine cover for.
The gorgeous part? I was still working on that. I wanted to feel confident, giving absolutely zero f**cks, but what I wanted more than anything was to be seen. Like she was being seen, for who she was, by everyone.
I wanted to be seen. To be validated. To be loved for who I was, no matter what — by those who mattered to me, including my bestie, who couldn’t see how much weight I’d gained since she moved away and our friendship lived on the phone.
She doesn’t know what she’s doing to herself. She doesn’t know what she’s doing to herself. She doesn’t know what she’s doing to herself.
What does that even mean?
What did I need to know that I couldn’t yet see? Or was I really being shown that my bestie and I no longer vibrated at inner circle friendship status? Would I have to let her go?
All I knew, was that it felt awful. Like I was bad, like I should keep hiding. Like this friendship, my online friendships, maybe even my business connections, would be destroyed if they knew just how big I was.
That if I couldn’t be bold like Tess Holliday, then I couldn’t be anything at all. I’d just have to stay quiet. Keep hiding. Fade away into backgrounds. Invalid. Unseen. Erased.
It took me three years to heal through this, but I did. We’re still friends today. Because that thing I couldn’t see back then? Had nothing to do with my bestie at all.
She was entitled to her opinion, and she had expressed it with utmost respect.
It was my own inner demons shaking me up, necessarily so. To break up what was stopping me from seeing where I actually was hurting myself – with too much food. Lots and lots of numbing of my emotions, stifling my powerful intuition that was trying so hard to give me signals on the daily, about what was best for me, what would allow me to thrive.
What I know now is that loving myself by eating more food, or more comfort-type foods, was all I knew, and it was exactly where I needed to be, at exactly the right time.
Maybe it didn’t fit current societal “health” standards, but it was what I knew, what I needed to do at the time. Just like some slim people vape, drug, over-shop, over-sex, over-exercise, get violent, drink, starve themselves, or throw up after they eat, we just can’t see evidence of their ‘thing’ all over their body, like you could on mine.
Because while it’s true that what we see on the outside, is an exact reflection of what’s going on inside—I’m always becoming more, more, more of the truest, most vibrant version of me, that I was born to be.
It’s also true that how we look at the physical level, isn’t what ultimately matters.
As another of my favourite plus-sized women Chrissy Metz said: who you are and how you treat people, is everything.
That! That is what really matters. It mattered to me, as I mastered the art of accepting myself, my shadows, my so-called imperfections, as I expanded and kept on expanding into what was next for me. Tuning into how to:
❤️ Accept exactly where I was as more than good enough, no matter what anybody else had to say about it. (Go Tess! Go Chrissy!).
❤️ Listen for “what’s next” for me, according to my timing, my path of unfolding soul-led desires. Whatever that looked like—again, no matter what anybody else said or thought, even professionals like doctors.
❤️ Then act without hesitation on those marching orders direct for my soul.
Expanded physical body while I moved through this process, or not, it was my path. And I have learned how to own it.
I love me!
I invite you to love YOU too, no matter what.
PS. If you’re ready to transcend the worry over how you look, by tuning into your life purpose, then rolling up your sleeves to create your next version of success for yourself, my free training called “You Were Born For This” is ready for you! In it, I share my story about living first as a fashion model, then a 300 pound woman, plus all my weight variations in between since, and how I stayed on track for massive success the whole time = how you can too. I now show women how to do this for themselves, including generating $5k+ sales days in their online businesses on the regular, CLICK HERE to watch now or visit HEY5K.com
The comments are rolling in already after I reposted Lizzo in my stories yesterday …
I can’t imagine what these plus-size warrior Goddesses go through on the daily, after seeing this tiny glimpse in my DMs last night and this morning.
So let me be clear: I love all body sizes, regardless of your opinion about fat being unhealthy or anything else you feel or think about fat bodies.
I take a stand for accepting every body, exactly as they are right now.
💜💙💛 I love what Lizzo is doing, along with all the plus-sized women who have what society considers less than perfect bodies.
They are taking hits from people who are stuck on programmed idealized perfection, so stuck they get massively triggered by a woman posting her body, exactly as it is right now, with —MY GOODNESS!—feeling no need or desire to change it.
Them showing up to give women something else to look at, appreciate, love and celebrate —something other than what a marketing or health team once decided is the ideal perfect body, is an act of pure love for all women kind.
Period. That’s how we roll and see things here, because this is based in acceptance for all bodies, a value my community and I promote, defend and protect.
There are many spaces online to practice opinions and attitudes of non-acceptance, but that’s not here. Nor in any of my programs or coaching containers.
Wanting to learn or understand things, asking questions, opening up respectful conversations around something you want to learn more about IS welcome, always – but you are responsible for how you present yourself.
If you’re infected with this particular brand of poison, that has you behaving anything other than in calm, respectful, caring ways, then you’ll need to take care of that first, before even being considered a part of my community here.
I believe that if something turns you off, then your option and responsibility is to remove yourself from the offending situation.
Without yelling, shaming or barfing your unmanaged emotion all over the situation or person.
If you’re unable to handle your emotions around a situation, it’s time to remove yourself from the situation, then give yourself what you need to return to a calm, centred place.
👑 Respect is respect. 👑 There are ALWAYS ways to deal with things, respectfully. Even in intense emotion, which is part of our shared human experience.
What I know from my experience of gaining then losing 150 pounds, then going up and down again from there, is that not accepting myself exactly as I am, in the moments along my journey, and every moment that followed, is the real poison.
That’s why I don’t allow people in my life or community who don’t also accept people’s bodies exactly as they are.
💜 You’ll never convince me that a woman can’t be physically beautiful right now, exactly as she is, right now. 💙
So you know where the 🚪 door 🚪 is … don’t let it hit you on the way out.
My rusted old Toyota Corolla was thick with the sexy, sweaty aftermath of our weekend together.
He had flown from California to see me, so I was driving him back to the airport, down the Sea to Sky Highway, where I usually felt so inspired, alive, uplifted and aligned with my life, deep in my heart, my soul.
“It’s so beautiful, isn’t it?” I said, trying hard to make my familiar sensations come back.
“Yes you are,” he said, staring at me, a plain young woman, instead of at the rolling mountain, forest and ocean view tourists travelled from all corners of the world to see.
✋ 🛑 ✋ No really, my soul was telling me to stop!!!
Stop falling into yet another man, to feel secure in the physical world, instead of making things secure first myself.
A man I couldn’t ever feel too deep into, or feel sure about, until I resolved this capability wounding within myself.
—Except I didn’t KNOW this is what my soul was telling me!
I only knew that I sucked at surviving on my own in the physical world.
What I was really good at, was non-physical things, like helping people deal with their emotions, life when it gets overwhelming, and following their soul’s purpose no matter what, and I was pretty sure people didn’t get rich off of that.
So I leaned on powerful men who were so ready to offer to take care of me, because I had yet to experience making money in a way that convinced me I’d never have to worry about it again yet—not in any real way.
I was too busy worrying over how incapable at life I felt, and which men would take care of me for the rest of my life…which was me unknowingly shaking my attraction milkshake, bringing all those kinds of boys to my yard.
The ones I couldn’t even open up to in any significant way in the first place, because of what I could have only ever known now, in hindsight:
When we’re living deep in our capability wounds as women, we can’t even hear the river beneath the river.
That’s why I couldn’t feel those mountains, my on-any-other-day-soul-nourishing mountains, why my heart couldn’t connect in any deep ways with his: those wounds make us blind, tone-deaf at best, to what our true calling is, which is our true source of first our soul wealth—the only way we will ever truly feel secure and fulfilled in life,
and then, and then YES, the overflowing money in our bank account that reflects this inner, anchored-in security we’ve been in waiting our whole lives for.
In the meantime, we dance with this misaligned person or thing or situation, over and over and over again, as I did in that relationship (and ok maybe more before and after that one too 😂).
Our subconscious minds run our entire lives until we dive in and take conscious control over it —until then, its patterns play out, again and again, round and round, our whole lives, waiting for us to do something to bring them to the light of consciousness.
“I’ve quit a couple times in my life. Not very many ever. And I never last very long. And like I always wanted and I always want to go do that. But literally, like, literally, from the day that we had our first session, I have not touched it. And if it just went away, it wasn’t even like, at any time that I would get upset, or those feelings would come back. It wasn’t even something that I just let me go get some, you know, I mean, it just was like, I don’t need that. Right. You know, like, I’m dealing with this. And I that made me so much more connected to life.”
💜🥂💜🥂 I wish you could see all the MAGIC AND CELEBRATIONS going on behind the scenes with my private clients.
This quote is exactly what one of my beloved clients shared with us yesterday!!
My Quantum Mastermind group met yesterday and we celebrated this woman so hard!!!
This is me coaching them from the forest … what a blessing, what a life I live, guiding these women who I admire and love so much!!!
👑👑👑 If you’re ready to feel supported AF in a warm empowering coaching container that has you facing the things you know you’re meant to be facing, moving through them with powerhouse loving support from me and our group, so you can step into the success ON ALL LEVELS —emotional, financial, physical, relationship — we have two spaces available!!
My private clients receive:
👑 24/7 access to me via the Voxer app —you type or video or audio me anytime of day or night and I come in and respond daily.
👑 weekly private video sessions 1:1 with just you and me
👑 monthly group mastermind sessions exclusive to my private clients only where we move through the tough bits then CELEBRATE each other like crazy as we build the success we’ve always dreamed of, together
👑 complimentary access to EVERY live group program I offer, where you’ll feel the love and have weekly livestream access to me and the incredible community we have here … Money Queen is our next program and we go live in exactly one week today!!
These spaces fill fast so message me if you want in!!
Being wealthy requires a level of self-care that much of the world calls selfish.
= making sure you’re really really taken care of and good, so you offer a strong, resourced, fulfilled, powerful hand to help the world with (note: I’m talking about getting “rich” first and foremost at the energetic level, which later gets reflected in your bank account)
=not “selfish” at all, because how can you help someone if you’re depleted yourself? Is it really “help” if you’re giving from your depletion, and they know it’s hurting you to give to them?
Where will your energy to help come from if you’re running on empty?
How about those creative ideas you want to keep flowing so you can make and keep your money, so you can keep on writing checks to causes you care about?
Most important, can you offer a grounded, consistent, PURELY loving energy from your depletion? One that isn’t wavering all over the place due to lack of self-care?
I speak from experience on that one I couldn’t help anyone when I was depleted and NOT pouring into myself *first*…
and the people I tried to help from that state could feel that it wasn’t a strong helping hand,
they could feel that it was actually TAKING from me to give, which never felt good to them, and didn’t feel like they were being given to at all.
My giving was crimped, therefore people couldn’t ever really receive from me,
because I didn’t give to myself first, then give only from my overflow – which is the ONLY way the receipient will feel truly, deeply, purely cared for and supported.
Giving from OVERFLOW is the only way to truly give … I just opened the doors to a *LIVE* group program called Tell A New Story About Money Overflow that I’m running right now. Message me if you want in
“But Gina, what if it’s wrong???”
= the single worst question you could ever ask, when it comes to your intuition.
It’s not. Ever.
I get why you’re asking, it can feel scary to let go, surrender, and ALL THE WAY trust.
Just stop asking that question.
Listen to your intuition. Obey it. Keep going.
“Come back, Gina! Come back!”
MANNNN have I ever been invited back into “depression” steadily for the last two weeks.
Some of my friends and mentors say this full moon had something to do with it, because it was a biggie.
I also got banned from live-streaming temporarily because of music I played = OOPS AND BOOO because streaming gives me life!!
THEN, as mentioned in one of my last live-streams I did, mountain lions were euthanized in my tiny little mountainside village, which really hurt my soul – they lived on my land, in my backyard 😢
—plus it’s a deeper soul thang, because as a young girl I was always running around saving hurt cats in my neighbourhood (long story) —
so as I processed that deep grief, and it took on momentum, I heard “come back, Gina….come back! Live here, again.”
Again, meaning, back to the days when I couldn’t see through the veil, when I lived mostly from my human brain, not knowing any different.
What I know to be true now though, and what my strongest practiced momentum in the past ten years has been,which rushed into wake me the F up these past two weeks:
is that you can’t go back to living in illusion —not after you’ve popped out of it after living through AND THRIVING THROUGH life experiences like I have … and I know you have tooo!!!
😀🥂👏🔥 FOR ONE … working on Canada’s second largest child murder case in 2004 then burning myself out so badly that I ended up gaining a whole extra persons worth of body weight in the process (150 pounds)….only to come out of that serving hundreds of women in a mentoring business that makes my soul sing like nothing else, making what I used to make in a year in a day, week and month now.
As I reflected on all this, and looked that invitation dead in the eye these past two weeks, a phrase one of my former mentors said to me got really rally loud inside me, the loudest: “Depression is bullshit”
When she first said it to me years ago??!? I thought I was plunged into some kind of twilight zone. It felt harsh, too abrupt, too extreme—but it’s a great phrase to snap us out of the smoke screens of illusion, when they slip in and get into our sacred energy temples, somehow. So I use it on myself and at times my clients too.
Because every mood state really is just a practiced state. Feeling and focusing on feeling sad and bad for long enough, that it takes on a life of its own.
—this is NOT to make light of these feelings though, because I know how awful they feel. I know this really really really well.
I just know and have now lived in and claim the power of having control over my energetic state, more.
So, the story I chose to tell myself to give that invitation a big fat NO —declined—is that some back-to-back life things happened at once, plus likely that full moon influence (none of us escape being influenced since we are 80% water after all).
Im not pretending it wasn’t a lil wobbly, it was!! But I kept my head above water, dripping tools and techniques that I’ve learned over my 46 years of life, like a steady life raft IV, to stay on track, with what I know to be true, as my time came to heal some things inside of me, deeper.
So my body needed a little more rest than usual….and when I gave myself exactly what I needed?
I could see what was REALLY going on…that it was all a PERFECT STORM, to release something I didn’t even know needed healing deeper inside me, so I can now THRIVE more than ever before!!!
😃😃🥂🥂👑👑 PLUS my scheduled quarterly vacation arrived at the exact same time, in perfect timing and synchronicity, so even tho I didn’t travel anywhere, due to covid, I had all the time and space AND THEN SOME to sleep more, rest more, not feel like I needed to be “ON” as much, so I could move these deeper energies that needed clearing, out and through.
(I did learn that I want to have prescheduled posts and videos for you all during my social media breaks, so it doesn’t feel to you like I fell off the face of the planet LOL AND SORRY —this just feels really good to realize and see – I wouldn’t have known this without these past two stormy weeks!!)
Moral of my story then???
Just feel the grief, Beautiful, let it move through your body, then let the spectacular spectacles of your soul take over and unveil the truth again, which you only just got temporarily clouded from.
Because it REALLY IS all for us, even when it doesn’t seem to be so. It really is all LOVE, the universe loving on us … every time…we just gotta open up, let it in and stay focused on what we want – because we really do get to have it, every time❤️❤️❤️❤️💜❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💜❤️❤️❤️❤️
💜💛 this perspective is here for you, too! Any time you want or need it 💜💛
You must betray lower thinking realms.
Yes, I said BETRAY.
Like hard stop.
I BETRAY YOU.
🤮 people pleasing ways of thinking that keep people entangled and trapped in guilt cycles that serve no-one and never evolve beyond life-sucking toxicity.
🤮realms where anything but masterful communication reigns, where respectful compassion is paramount and assertiveness is not just encouraged, but required.
🤮 holier than thou hierarchies, the worst of them being warped spiritual communities where the leader is not walking her (or his) talk, spreading to the rest of her tribe the cost of her not doing her own inner work (which she preaches about all day long) herself.
I BETRAY YOU, EVERY LAST BIT OF THIS, THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON, AND ITS COUSINS, TOO.
I betray you.
This isn’t mean, it’s energy management.
You aren’t leaving anyone behind,
you’re being m*fcknnn responsible for your energy, your life = the only way you can REALLY TRULY be there for anybody else.
So say no to anything that doesn’t support your solid growth, nourishment, health and abundance —knowing it’s in the highest greatest good for all.
And leave those choosing not to grow alone, let them call it selfish, knowing you’re becoming the woman who will one day be a solid rock THOSE VERY PEOPLE may want to lean on one day 💗
PS…. My Live Stream School launches tomorrow!!!! I’m so freaking excited!! Message me (info at life coach gina dot calm) if you want early bird details about this group program, where you’ll master the art of being FULLY you in your live-streams, while your sales roll in from them.