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I hated the smell of beer and how dark the pubs were…
…but I sat there, in the middle of my twentieth year, with my red-headed best friend, and told her, right there in the middle of my follow-everyone-else’s-rules life—I told her:
“I saw a poster today that woke up my soul.”
Neither of us were openly spiritual, not yet, and we rarely talked about anything too deep, especially not in pubs, but the words flew out of me, and,
before all the insecure girl defences we both usually wore—the ones that made us feel we were too cool for it all—shot up to protect us,
she smiled one of her full-toothed smiles that made her the friend I loved most in the world, a smile that appeared so rarely, but with enough power to rise us both above the heavy things. Like the too-young death of her father. Like losing my first love in a flash.
“Silvestri, you better tell me all about it,” she said.
Then I explained that an organization called The Women’s Enterprise Society of B.C. was giving out grants to young women wanting to start new businesses.
We were smack in the middle of finishing our university degrees, doing exactly what our parents wanted for us, but she wasn’t the kind of friend to blink an eye at my dreams,
so we borrowed some paper and a pen from the bartender, and she smiled that smile the whole time she forced me to write that grant application on the spot, right there in the dark with my smelly beer.
When I got home, I logged on to the new thing called “the internet” then submitted it, unedited, before closing my eyes into yet another night of the life that didn’t quite yet feel like my own.
Three months later, my twenty-one year old bank account was filled with $30,000. Half of it the grant, the other half a loan, also from WESBC, that I somehow qualified for, and I opened up my first business, called Cafe Paradiso.
It was a coffeehouse/bookstore birthed from that tiny sliver of a moment, which bore so much light, the light of possibility, that crowded out the darkness,
then plugged me so deep into the spiritual stamina every single one of us are born with, but so few actually access, because of how dense the dark is, and the subtle awareness it takes to listen, to heed, to not miss such easy-to-miss sign posts like a poster taped to a brick wall that we all walk by, way too fast.
The world is so quiet right now, my Loves! You can hear. You can open up. You can access courage enough to do so.
And when you do, when you open up and tap deep within, when you feel that light coursing within you then allow it to move you, you’ll flex that spiritual stamina for the rest of your life, no matter what goes on around you.
No. Matter. What.
I’m still riding that light today, still flexing that spiritual stamina, at age forty-six, twenty-five years later, as I run a completely different business, mostly online.
Because I’ve learned that business isn’t about whether we have money or not, not at first—business is about how lit up your soul is and whether or not you pay attention to those subtle promptings and do something about them.
No matter how religious you are (or not).
No matter how young you are (or not).
No matter how smelly the beer is, how dark the atmospheric sky, no matter if you have a fiery friend who loves you beyond every human comfort zone with you (or not).
No external circumstance matters. These spiritual resources live inside you. Listening to your nudges, then taking one action at a time, to birth what needs to be birthed on earth, all the way…
💫 even when you’re feeling insecure
💫 even when it’s dark out there
💫 even when you gotta quit school temporarily to make it happen
💫 even when you’re worried about your best friend, and healing from trauma yourself,
or concerned about the state of the world as we all are right now, low level or not —the answers are always within.
Nothing can dim that inner light or close off your access to it—nothing!—unless you let it.
Your inner resourcefulness is yours, for you alone, and it’s untouchable.
Unless you pretend there are no posters…unless you pretend your darkness is worse than anyone else’s…unless you pretend there is no light inside you.
Even answers to challenges like “but where will I find the money?” all start from within.
Deep in that inner field of resources you can either choose to full-tooth smile at, let the words slip out to light up yours and others lives with (we all feel their power in our bones), or you can choose to snuff them out, pretend you’re lacking resources, pretend you don’t have the greatest power possible living right there inside you, and stay in the dark.
Global pandemic or not, it really is up to you.
It’s always up to you.
Now, more than ever, is the time to start mining from within. To tap into that spiritual stamina we were all born with, and ride it like your life and the lives of those around you depend on it, because they do.
I love you!
PS …doors to my Fully Expressed program are now open! This is an opportunity to write your memoir/slice of life story with me, that will inspire others for time immemorial. Click here to book a call with me or read more detail.
Why do I (and maybe you) feel the need to share our personal healing journeys after trauma?
👌💕 because it’s a normal part of life for me + so much beauty comes from it every day
👌💕because people need to see what’s possible for them
👌💕 because the tools I share make life so much better and easier
👌💕 because trauma is nothing to be ashamed of and I am creating a world where it isn’t
👌💕 because unresolved trauma destroys lives
👌💕 because disempowerment is rampant and the root of all physical, psychological and mental illness
In other words, we do it because WE CAN’T NOT, that’s why!
I was listening to a funny-as-hell comedian yesterday who reminded me of
THIS TRUTH WE LIFE STORY SUPERSTARS GOTTA FACE ….
Life isn’t going to work out quite as well as it could until we get that life story down on paper.
This is because creative intelligence (the energy that created all life) plants a seed in our hearts showing us the exact way to the most fulfilling, easiest, abundant, most joyful life possible.
…and there’s *this feeling* that lives in the core of that desire, a deep knowing, that,
when we don’t listen, when we don’t follow that desire, we end up somewhere on the spectrum between living with a mild yet annoying nagging sense of unhappiness,
to living homeless in a car with two kids in the back seat as this comedian did.
Following your purpose REALLY IS that powerful. It can usher in the most mind-blowing, satisfactory life you can imagine, AND it can hold you down, when you ignore it, and fuck with it.
PS. The comedian I’m referencing is Aida Rodriguez. I saw her on Tiffany Haddish’s stand up comedian special on Netflix 👌👌👌🙂🙂🙂🙏🙏🙏💜
ATTENTION LIFE STORY SUPERSTARS STRUGGLING WITH MONEY
(Mamma Mia have I ever been there!!)
Even when you have creditors or bill collectors chasing you, you still get to feel good about yourself – in fact you must in order to stop the creditors and bill collectors from chasing you!!
You see, knowing WHO YOU TRULY ARE, much much much much much deeper than the writer or artist or healer or creative entrepreneur that you are is the way to break the cycle.
Getting —and I mean really getting that these are just circumstances, they’re not who you ARE is what frees you from being trapped in cycles of Starving Artist money misery, including:
*wondering why, when you clearly have so much talent, you just can’t seem to sell your creations or sell enough of them to survive
*you literally ignore your finances so much that they’re buried under tumbleweed and dandelions in your mind
*you find yourself eating too much or smoking too much or spending time with people you don’t feel good around to try to stop thinking about money, which of course never works
Nothing will work until you’re plugged into your most powerful state of being, My Love! That’s where us creative people deal with money like it’s nobody’s business….the problem is: most people are afraid to go there.
Afraid to drop the low-level drama (which they know at some level is NOT them and they could be thriving instead of struggling) and own their truest most authentic power, to actually start living the life they want, vs just talking about.
It’s the scariest thing for us humans to do, yet it’s a must to thrive on ALL LEVELS as a creative person in this life.
THERE’S A CRACK IN EVERYTHING, THAT’S HOW THE LIGHT GETS IN —Leonard Cohen
Back in 2013, when I found myself with no idea where I was going to live,
going through yet another breakup, after yet another dance with a boyfriend who didn’t have my best interest at heart (it was a pattern, what can I say?? 😏) ,
I thought to myself, “ok, that’s it. I better get ready for a time of total depletion, devastation, and living without.”
Then $4,982.65 came through on my PayPal from a woman who had been following me online for years and couldn’t wait to work with me.
Right before that all I saw was my Facebook posts with barely any likes or engagement, hardly any traffic on my website, and nobody at all contacting me about my business or services.
So, exactly as it’s meant to, as soon as that woman connected to me, saying she valued my service enough to purchase one of my highest investment level services, the light bore through the crack and illuminated the thing causing me to get to the experience of homelessness in the first place: a deep feeling of unworthiness within me.
I then had two choices: continue to buy into, agree with, and live according to this mood state of unworthiness that had infiltrated my inner being for years (as I always had before this light shone in, it was all I knew)
Do something different. Pay attention to the light that still shines in, even when we’re in our deep dark mood places of depression, anxiety, feeling unworthy, worry or extreme terror (common with survivors of continuous/severe trauma).
I chose to open to the light. See where it led. Surrender my old way, even though it felt scary to let go of what I had only ever known, like an old favourite food that gave me emotional comfort during traumatic times but never did any good for my overall health and well being.
I’m sharing this because I know we’re all experiencing a lot right now, ranging from mild ‘what if’s’ to horrifying thoughts of future apocalypse.
And who knows what will happen, really. This is 100% a time of uncertainty—but what we can choose to know and remember right now is the only thing that is CERTAIN, never-changing:
The light is always here. Always!
And it so naturally pours through the cracks of darkness….it’s what it does…and always will do…NO MATTER WHAT.
The question is: will you look?
Will you sit silent enough, face whats within, clear whatever energy inside that is tempting you not to see and take it in, so you can receive the love that’s just waiting to pour into you, in many different forms—even. right. now. AT SUCH A TIME AS THIS?
My homelessness lasted just a blip of time when I said yes and acted accordingly. I was scared, had no idea what was in store for me, but I served that woman who served as my light in those moments of darkness with everything I had, and the connection lifted us both up, to new heights, connecting us to a deep deep knowing that it’s always the way it’s meant to be! The growth, the uplifting, the amazement and moments of JOY, together = dancing in the rain, no matter what is going on around us.
So yes, it’s a time of adjustment. Re-allocating resources, aligning even deeper than ever before to people we were always meant to do life with, our true tribe—across the Internet for now as it may be, and most of all, strengthening our INNER YES to thriving in the light, as we were always meant to, no matter what!